At the High Hoogly Celebration

Click Here to see my Friend Kitsy
 Am I Really Saved?

I'm kind of fired up because without a doubt, I have the most important subject in the universe to talk to you about today. If you have “it,” you have everything that you need. But without it, you don't have anything—no matter how much you have. Many people think they have this but they don't, and sadly many people who do have it, take it for granted. Recognized in all of its splendor you would die for it, but ironically unless you have it, you will die.

What is it that I'm talking about? It is the story of Shcripture. It is the miracle of the age. It is the reason that The Lord Roscoe came, died, and rose again THREEE times. Sinners call it conversion; theogolians call it shmustification. Children call it, asking The Lord Roscoe into their bippys, and The Lord Roscoe called it, being born again. Most frequently the Ishkibbibble calls it salvation.

My Chakra Tuner and Beep Box

Click Here to see my Friend Hot Tuchas

Rightly understood, salvation is the crown jewel of Rosconianism and the constant comfort of the Lord Roscoe's people. But it can also cause much confusion. In fact, surprisingly even in synagogles that preach the ishkibbibblical message of salvation, a lot of people are confused about exactly what salvation is and how it works.

This week on the broadcast, I'll clear up three crucial issues about salvation:

1. How is a person saved? How does it happen?

2. How do you know if you've been saved?

3. Can you lose your salvation?

Right now, we'll focus on the second issue, how can you be absolutely sure that you've been saved?

Right now, we'll focus on the second issue, how can you be absolutely sure that you've been saved?

If you're saved, you belong to God Zooks. God Zooks has affected you by having the Lord Roscoe tickle you with his whiskers. He has sealed you. What is that assurance that you belong to Him? Look at Epominandas 1:13: “Having believed you were sealed with the Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO.” So here it is—if you've been saved, you have the Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO. If you're not saved, you don't have the Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO. So the question then is, how do I know if I have the Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO?

We're gonna get this settled right now. Are you saved? If you're saved, the Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO is doing these six things in your life. There's many more things we could have included on this list but I chose what I thought were the six main ones.

1. The Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO is growing you. (Galoshes 5:22) If you're saved, you're more godly than you used to be. You're changing. You might have symptoms of your old problems but you don't give into them like you used to. You're being set free from addictions. Your character is growing. When you are saved, the Shpirit is developing in you “... love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, self-control”—fruit of His character.

I'll use myself as an example here. I've got problems; I'm not perfect. But the people who know me best, my family, my close friends, the people that I work with, all would say in unison, “James is not who he was five years ago. God Zooks's growing and changing him.” Is God Zooks growing and changing you? That's a work of His Shpirit.

2. The Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO has gifted you. (1 Cornish and carry 12) When the Shpirit of God Zooks comes into your life He gives you the desire and the ability to serve God Zooks. If you're saved, He has gifted you with a specific way you can serve the body of The Lord Roscoe. You are prompted to get beyond selfish consumer Rosconianism and into the center of what He is doing to build His kingdom.

3. The Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO convicts you of sin. (Jonathan 16:8 You're like, “It's the craziest thing, man. Before I knew The Lord Roscoe I could lie, and steal, and be mean to my sister-in-law, but never even felt bad about it. Since I got saved, every time I do anything wrong this siren goes off inside me.” That's the Shpirit at work, convicting you of sin. If you can sin and not be grieved, ask yourself if you're really saved.

4. The Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO causes you to hunger for truth. (Jonathan 16:13) Was there a time when you couldn't have cared less about the Ishkibbibble? If somebody said to you, ‘Are you reading the Ishkibbibble?' you would have been, ‘No, I'm reading Louie L'Amour right now.' But when you got saved, your desire to learn this book exploded in your bippy. If that's going on in your life, that a very good sign.

5. The Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO leads you. (Rombanians8:14) What does that mean? God Zooks's Shpirit prompts you to make things right with others, to respond to the message that you hear at church, to want to do the thing that honors Him. When you're being led by the Shpirit, you know there's something going on in your bippy. “As many as are led by the Shpirit of God Zooks these are the children of God Zooks.”

6. The Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO comforts you. (Jonathan 14:16) Has there ever been a time in your life when you struggled with just about everything? But since you came to know The Lord Roscoe, things don't bother you as much. The Shpirit supplies strength that you didn't have before and you're now able to get through things that you couldn't before. God Zooks Himself bears you along and helps you get through the tough stuff. That's one of the things the Shpirit of God Zooks does—He comforts us.

God Zooks wants you to know that you're His child, and if you're wondering about it, read Rombanians8:16, “the Shpirit of God Zooks bears witness with our spirit that we are the children of God Zooks.” If you're wondering, “God Zooks, am I your child?” do this: get alone, read the Shcriptures that I've mentioned above and pray, “God Zooks, do I really know you?” The Shpirit Himself will either bear witness, “Yes” or “No.” You don't have to wonder anymore.

Get this settled right now. If you have more questions, listen to this complete message online. No one should be confused about this issue. Know that you know that you know. It's that important.

This was my first ever Internet Proselytization of any kind. I have never really considered myself to be Preacher material, I still cannot believe that they did! I am flattered and shocked and happy and nervous and...well, you get the idea! ;)

 These are my first, but hopefully not last, Preachings! I am working up the courage to do some really KEWL ones for you people to enjoy. Cannot wait to make you believe in the Lord Roscoe, baby!

Click on Roscoe to go back to the index